I’ve Been Struggling
This is one of those posts that come straight from the heart. I don’t write it to gain sympathy or even advice, but to keep myself honest. Honest with you and honest with myself.
Even though this isn’t an easy post to write, I promised myself when I started this blog that I would always be honest, and I don’t intend to break that promise now.
I’ve been struggling. Struggling with frugality, struggling with making time for God, and struggling with balancing the priorities in my life. Busyness and laziness have gotten me to this point, for sure.
I think the struggle started about this time last year, when we moved. For a month we were staying at my dad’s house, and then when we moved into our fixer-upper, it was still in such disarray, it was hard to put a routine into place.
About that time, things really took off with my blog, making my life even busier. I also had to redo our budget, because our expenses changed with the move. I worked on our budget at times, but I never got it to the point where I was following it completely.
Frugality is often a trade between time and money, and time wasn’t something I had a lot of. Busyness.
On top of that, when I did have free time, I didn’t want to do anything. As an introvert, I need time to recharge. But I took a little too much time. Laziness.
I’m not making excuses. All of this was fully in my control. I could have said no to opportunities. I could have taken less time to recharge. But I didn’t.
So now I’m making a commitment to get back on the frugal wagon, and to take time with the Lord on a daily basis. In some ways, I’m forced to. The blogging business has slowed considerably during the last few months, making cuts in the budget necessary. Homeschooling, though adding to the busyness in my life, forces me to be at home more often. And when I’m home, I don’t spend money. And I have the time and opportunity to do things like line dry my laundry and cook from scratch.
How frugal one can be has a lot to do with routine. The routine of planning meals. The routine of clipping coupons. The routine of planning ahead. It’s time for me to get back into a routine.
So I’m publicly making two commitments for this week to kick off my new routine.
1. I’m going to spend time with the Lord every morning, before I turn the computer on.
and
2. By the end of the week, I’m going to open YNAB, my favorite budgeting program, and revamp the budget. It needs it. Desperately.
Again, I don’t want sympathy, and I’m not making excuses. I’m keeping myself honest. Nobody is perfect, and often the key to success is recognizing failure and learning from it. And that’s what I’m planning to do with this experience.
Photo by Robb North.
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By Lynnae McCoy, on Aug 24, 2009
I'm Lynnae, wife of one and stay-at-home mom of two. I'm committed to getting out of debt by being frugal with my choices in life.
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I wrote a very similar post a few weeks ago. Laziness combined with the busyness of life had taken me off track. I’ve committed to getting back on track and I have to admit, I’m much happier because of it.
I’ve also experienced how laziness can be a great hindrance to frugal living. I’m looking forward to your newfound committment as a source of inspiration.
Just wanted to thank you for this honest post. I’m dealing with the EXACT same problems right now, and to hear your commitment to deal with them has really helped motivate me to do the same. Thank you again:)
Having been there and done that (and seemingly over and over), I really don’t believe the laziness really was part of your experience. It seems to me that you had a lot on your plate and often times, the laziness is really about something else. While I don’t know what it is/was with you, I know for me that it sometimes is a bit of depression (clinical depression), sometimes it is just plain exhaustion, sometimes, it is just a need for some change. With all that you do and have done, laziness is not a word that I would use to describe you (if I can be so bold to describe you through your blog!) I was just thinking the other day how I wish when we had moved, I had known the level of frugalness that you do when we moved a year ago. But if wishes were horses…. So I take each day as it comes, give thanks, and go forward. God bless.
I’m still struggling with ordering out. Even when I have ingredients for a meal on hand, I so enjoy pizza that I end up ordering it once a week or so (and I make homemade pizza really well!). This week, I acquiesced to my natural habit and decided to add pizza to my meal plan – and then at the grocery store, found the ingredients to make the same kind of pizza at home. So I’m going to try it, this weekend, and hopefully it will taste as good as the not-homemade stuff.
Good luck with your budget! You can do it!
Thank you so much for your article. I have been reading your blog ever since I lost my job last January and it has been such a blessing. I really appreciate your honesty and down to earth solutions about being frugal. Thanks to your blog and your wonderful Witness for the Lord I have been able to defray and get rid of a lot of needless spending.
earlwallace
This is EXACTLY the kind of post that keeps me coming back to your blog every day. I do appreciate the candor. However, I wonder about your comment about being lazy. It seems to me you could be overwhelmed. Moving is a huge disruption, and home ownership and maintenance do impose new responsibilities, added to your already busy life. I don’t see it as failure; rather, I see it as part of your transition to a new phase, and transition can be difficult and uncomfortable, even though the reason for it may be positive. Do take time to remember the progress you ARE making, such as your weekly menu planning, which is HUGE. I have confidence that you will weather this. I’d like to see an update in six months. . .
As always, Lynnae – your blog has touched me. Be gentle with yourself during this struggle – I can’t believe you have a lazy bone in your body and agree with Patricia on not believing laziness is partly to blame. Take some time out for you and get things back in line – we all need to do that at times and now it’s your turn – you have our care and support through it. God bless.
You all are too kind! Thanks for your encouragement. I really do have the best readers in the blogosphere!
As far as being lazy…you can ask my husband. I have plenty of lazy bones in this body! LOL But yes, I am slightly overwhelmed, too.
I more than understand. When I am overwhelmed I really just want to lie on the couch with a blanket over my head 8-). I try to tell myself “OK just go do xyz for 15 minutes.” Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t 8-)
Isn’t that what they say though, to be truly successful at something, you just have to get back on that horse when it kicks you off.
I wouldnt’ say its laziness at all. I think the kids and I need to “pitch in” a little bit more. I know I can get busy, but I can get busy with stuff that really isn’t as important as helping you.
I think helping you can also provide occasion to teach the kids the value of teamwork and “hard” work.
I’ve also had to learn the hard way that “No” is a complete sentence.
In my opinion, the challenge has been one of adjusting to several major changes (new home, homeschooling) and it’s still a work in progress.
“Mr. Being Frugal”
Thanks, hon!
Don’t beat yourself up. Your blog and radio show are great inspiration. You are human and you must take care of yourself. Having been through a move recently–that alone is very overwhelming. Throw homeschooling in the mix and it will just take a while for everyone to get used to new routines. BABYSTEPS.
I can say from experience that just living in a fixer-upper can be surprisingly difficult. I’m naturally routine-oriented and organized but having to always move things around during projects and having such a daunting to-do list literally surrounding you and not having things like closets and cabinets makes me feel overwhelmed and “lazy” all the time. And then my husband is working so hard on the house, but that means less time with me and the kids. Hang in there!
When I got this post in my email I had to come and post a comment here. At the moment you are so tired, from having done a Super Woman job with your family and home that you don’t see what everyone else sees.
I truly believe that you have been asked to post this not just for you but for several of your readers too. The thing is you gave them the answer, read your scriptures and spend time in prayer and see the other problems melt away.
Pippa xx
Just read your blog. You have never been lazy. You even arrived 2 days early so you could get on with life. You have a lot on your plate right now and being a Mom is the hardest (but most rewarding) job in the world. I have always admired the way you could accomplish so much. So give yourself a break. Starting out with devotions each morning will help you with the rest. If you need help with the housework give me a call and we’ll have a house-cleaning day. I’ll even bring doughnuts for the grandkids :) I love you!
It’s good to know you are not perfect LOL! I’m glad I found your blog, it’s inspirational. I myself discovered Wesabe (great money-tracking site) two years ago and haven’t made the time to use it. But this year, on January 1, I’m going to. When you have out of the ordinary events (moving, having two mortgages, getting married, etc.) it makes sticking to a budget very difficult. Now that it’s behind me, I’m getting back to business!
Hey Lynnae….feel the love & support?? Lots of us have experienced some or all of what you are going thru. Life wasn’t meant to be easy. We do need to put God at the center or we will struggle more. Keep up the good effort and you will feel more at ease soon. Love your blog/but remember you and your family come first..the rest will follow.
Listen to your Mom and Hubby…they probably see things a whole lot clearer than you do.
God thinks you are amazing no matter what. This group is part of your ministry. Just keep on loving Him and seeking Him (not necessarily with a daily 2 hour bible study…) and let the details slide.
I love my blog for the same reason – it keeps you honest. Life isn’t about the struggles or mistakes we make, it’s about what you do after the mistakes/set backs have happened.
It sounds like your on the right path and things are coming together!
ahhhh, candor is MOST refreshing!
As we jump back into homschooling I was hoping to have my couponing routine down, a Managers of Their Home sched in place, and a fixed budget to follow.
Instead I was sporadic and lazy with my planning this supper.
But in handing it all over to the Lord He’s showed me to take baby steps as well….
Today we started school with one of the above in place…and that feels good :)
I’ve just prayed over your journey!
Blessings,
Momma Wedog
You do realize that you took on a full-time job when you decided to homeschool. You are a very busy mom, wife and teacher and I have never seen laziness come through on your posts. Putting God first in the mornings is something I need to do as well and then let him guide us through our day.
Well, it looks like a lot of us are feeling the same way you are Lynnae! I am so glad you posted this and for everyone commenting on it. Because sometimes it feels like it is “Just me” that is going through this.
Well stated. I think it helps people know that even the people they turn to for insight understand what it is to be human. It helps people realize that being perfect is not the point – it’s about working towards becoming the best versions of ourselves. I applaud your willingness to share the real stuff.
Just another post to add some encouragement. I’m sure we’ve ALL experienced what you’re going through! As you said, staying on track is a daily commitment. Lean on the Lord for all your troubles and turn your cares over to Him – daily! It’s amazing how everything else will fall into place. Everyone has peaks and valleys. But, you’re on the right track! Hang in there!!
lynnae;
everyone struggles with those things!we should do but don’t. but that doesn’t mean that we’re lazy! stress really has a lot to do in how we relate to God. . some time we get burdened with the things & problems of life! we forget the relationship we have with our creater! which should be #1. as the christan life demands. it’s God first then family, then otherthings. if we can put that in order then other things fall into place along the way. we all need to know when to say NO! the ability to say NO is important! more often than not we find ourselves doing something that someone else could or should be doing . when we do the NO thing then we can find more time to do what is needed. just because you know the answer it doesn’t mean you should take on the task. i think you have a very informational website & it is needed. but you need to get your relationship with the Lord corrected as it is the most importantof all. God understands & is willing to help. if you talk with him. i will keep you & your family in our prayers.
Wow, such a great post. Just know that you are not alone: I realized this a few weeks ago, and cut back as well. It resulted in one of my best posts ever on my blog. I hope you enjoy your valued time with the Lord and with yourself. You deserve it!
I am in the same boat as you are friend. Commitment to frugality is really a struggle to make takes some dedication and sacrifice. But you know it is the experience that puts us in a better position for the future.
What is important is we keep on loving God and our loved ones.
Cheers mate!
First of all, stop beating yourself up. We are not God, we are His children, therefore we are not meant to be perfect. God did not create us to be perfect. He created us to be excellent. There is a difference. Only God is perfect, we do our best and strive for excellence, which is the closest we can get to perfection. We are human, and we all slip up and we all sin, but good people are always striving to be better, and that’s what you are doing. Striving to be better. It sounds like you are also trying to please a lot of people who depend on you in varying degrees (including your blog readers – and we really do appreciate it). You are NOT lazy. Don’t let ANYONE tell you differently. You’ve had an overwhelming year. You’ve had to make major adjustments, you’ve had to deal with a lot of stress and changes. Add to that homeschooling and trying to keep up with a daily blog as well as all of your usual family responsibilities and it takes a toll.
So the first step is to forgive yourself. God already has forgiven any shortcomings you think you have because He knows you are struggling with them and you want to do better. So, let it go. It’s in the past and it’s over.
Starting your day with Him is a good second step. Ask Him to help you do your best, even if it’s not perfect, and to forgive you when you slip up.
Everything beyond that is baby steps. You’ll be back in fighting form in no time, but you have to give yourself a pass for now. If you need to blog a little less, don’t worry, we’ll be here for you.
I’m honestly not beating myself up. I’m just publicly recognizing where I’ve gone wrong and committing to make the changes necessary to remedy the situation. I know I’m not perfect, and if God can forgive me, who am I not to forgive myself?
Thanks for all the support everyone!! You are all a huge encouragement! And as of this afternoon I have a great update to this story, but the post on that will have to wait until Wednesday. Stay tuned! I’m pretty amazed!
Lynnae, I so love to read your posts. Each day I sit down and enjoy my coffee reading yours and a few others blogs. I am a single mom and homeowner so I know what getting overwhelmed can be. When I started on the frugal path it also was a path of reconnection with myself and the Lord. The first thing that went (or came) was a recommitment to Sundays. I go to church and Sunday school, pick up the newspaper on my way home, make a nice dinner (for leftovers and repeats throughout the week) and take time to indulge in myself (and the day of laziness). During this time I can read the paper, clip coupons, watch tv with my daughter, etc. but it makes it all seem for leisure and I have returned to the 7th day of rest.
Simplify. Learn to say NO. Let Go, Let God.
All of us get off track now and then, and need to regroup.
Think of it more as a time to think about what is really important
to you, time to declutter your mind and life, time to get right
with God again. Kind of a “planning session” for the next part of your life :)
Starting your day off from the heart, with God and your family,
with a willingness to do only those priorities for the day that are in the best interests of you and your family…. that’s the best start to the day. And remember to thank Him during the day for all those little things that ‘go right’, that we take for granted… for the smiles on your family’s faces, for the light that turned green, for the penny in the parking lot…. Smile, simplify, and enjoy life more :)
Hang in there Sunshine :)
You’re doing great!
Hi, Lynnae,
Everyone has these times. Relax. These are the times of greatest learning through reflection. These are the times when you are most open to God’s voice.
Routines are very important. You cannot force change. But you can choose some areas of change (one at a time) and focus and pray and work to open your heart to that change. Reading books about that area and selcting a few simple new positive habits, and then doing them each day for two weeks often works wonders. Wholesale change always fails.
We have found that a simple “typical” daily schedule + a weekly goal setting session with the whole family, with everyone adding suggestions and taking on each other’s goals as our own, really helps. We do it every Sunday afternoon and give it 90 minutes.
At that time we also pick our favorite meals for the week (everyone gets one choice — the other meals are leftovers) and afterwards we shop if we don’t have things on hand. But we try to buy in bulk when things are on sale. We don’t clip coupons. We never eat out and always cook from scratch. My lovely mother-in-law (79 yrs old) produces a huge organic gardens and fishes! So the freezer is always full.
I got a great start on routine by reading Alan Lakein’s HOW TO GET CONTROL OF YOUR TIME AND YOUR LIFE about 25 years ago, and I still read it from time to time to keep me on target.
Hope this helps.
One of my constant struggles is to stay focused on the things that are most important to me. Being frugal is a necessity and I generally have much more time than money but as I am considering getting a job, those priorities might change. I know that during times of stress, it is hard for me to stay focused on writing so my blog has suffered.
Perfection doesn’t exist! There is only better. Setbacks and derailments are not uncommon– the trick is to recognize it and fix it.
Hang in there!