Take Advantage of Teachable Moments
I went yard sale shopping last Friday morning. The weather was beautiful, I saw an ad for a huge multifamily sale on Craigslist, and I was in the mood to get out of the house.
As I was browsing the sale, I ran into my son’s soccer coach. She has two preschool/early school age daughters whom she home schools. We talked for a few moments, and then we went our separate ways, perusing the merchandise. I left and went to more sales.
A bit later in the morning, I ran into the coach and her girls at another sale. As they were shopping, one of the girls asked, “Mommy, can we buy this?”
Mom replied, “No, you already spent your money.”
There was a long pause, before the girl asked, “Well, can I just use your money?”
Everyone at the sale laughed. And the coach had a choice. What would she do?
Buy the Item
One option would be to buy the item her daughter so desperately wanted. It was only a dollar or so, certainly not an amount that would put the family in the poorhouse.
And her daughter would be so happy! And I have to tell you, this little girl has the most beautiful smile. Who wouldn’t want to make her happy?
Just Say No
The mom had given the girls each their own spending money before they set out yard sale shopping. Apparently the girls had spent all their money at a prior sale.
So mom could just stand her ground and let her daughter experience the consequences of spending all her money earlier. But her daughter would be soooo sad.
The Lesson
Thinking about the short term, many parents would buy the item to make their child happy. After all, it’s only a dollar.
But what does that teach? Money is an infinite resource. If you run out of money, there will always be a way to get more, without working for it. And those of us who have been around a while know that’s not the truth.
By saying no, the mom would teach her daughter that once you run out of money, that’s it. There’s no more to spend. For a 5 year old, that’s a basic budgeting course, and it’s a good lesson!
So what happened? I left before the conversation was over, but let’s just say it wasn’t going the young girl’s way. I don’t think she talked her mom into purchasing that toy she wanted so badly. And as I was walking away, listening to the conversation between mom and daughter, I was impressed that this mom took the time to get on her daughter’s level and explain why she couldn’t buy the item.
So often it’s tempting to brush our children off when we’re busy or in a hurry. But it’s important to take advantage of small, teachable moments. These are the lessons children will remember for a lifetime.
Photo by kamshots.
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Author
By Lynnae McCoy, on May 13, 2009
I'm Lynnae, wife of one and stay-at-home mom of two. I'm committed to getting out of debt by being frugal with my choices in life.
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I might have “hammered” the idea of the “blown” budget for a minute or two and then asked the child what they would sacrifice for the item (desserts, TV or computer time, etc.). My thinking is the child needs to learn about choices, sacrifice, and budgeting . . . you can’t always have everything all at once.
We’re expecting our first child anyday now, so I expect in a few years that I’ll be posting about these exact conversations. Hopefully I’ll remember the lessons learned from nuggets like this :)
I’m glad that mother recognized that teachable moment and did not let it slip away; many parents do “give in”, and it sets a potentially harmful precedent. I hope that mother will continue reinforcing the message that choices do have consequences and that sometimes delaying gratification can be a good thing.
I agree with the path the Coach was taking. It is so hard not to cave in. Like you said, it is just a dollar, but the lesson learned from the no is so much more important.
I ran into a similar situation a few months ago with my stepdaughter. She was given a choice: she could “sell” me one of the items that she already purchased in order to have money for the new item, or she could keep what she’d already bought and not get the new item. I thought about her trading future chores for the item, but I didn’t want to introduce to the idea of working on credit, so to speak.
Tough Love is a good thing!
The long term effects of that will far outweigh the short term pleasure.
Lessons have to be learned. And they won’t learn them any younger than right now.
When taking my grands garage saling, I do make sure they 1) earn the money from me for chores, and 2) are reminded along the way that when that’s gone it’s gone, so they’d best save some for the next sale, or save it as long as they want it – ie, there is no pressure from me to spend it on the sales.
Sooo sad. But only for a short time. Definitely let the lesson be learned early on.
Tell them you have no more money for them, but you have LOTS of hugs to give.
This was a great lesson for the child to have learned and hopefully will remember at some point in time when she is older. The patience that was had in teaching this lesson about money was something that was also taught to the child.
It would have been hard for me not to have caved but I wouldn’t have because the lesson is too important in this situation.
I’ll never forget my first teachable money moment with my daughter. When I told her we didn’t have enough money to do something, her answer was…. just go to the ATM. I was able to explain that for the money to come out of the ATM, the money had to get into the bank via the salary I was paid. She was about 8 then and still remembers it now at 23.
This is a great story! We’ve had a couple of times where my kids have asked me for something after they’ve already spent their money, but have always accepted ‘no’ for an answer. However, the teachable moment we’ve been having lately is about where money comes from (hint: you can’t buy it at the bank)and how to get more. So we’ve been doing a lot of talking about working, and contributing to the family, and society and so on.
My mom always said that “money doesn’t grow on trees” and “Who do you think I am? Rockerfeller?” But then she bought it anyway. My goal is to send clear, consistent messages to my daughter about money. I’m just wondering, what’s your feeling on an allowance? There are so many conflicting views. Mine is only 18 mo. so I have some time, although it’s flying!